Making Love to Mishaps

Pernah, tak berapa lama dulu.

Aku putuskan hidupku tanpa ada kaitan dengan segala macam rangkaian sosial yang melapah masa, yang mencemar minda, yang meruntun jiwa,

;sekejam yang termampu.

Tatkala meniti hari hari tanpa bersua bapak segala ‘tali’, harus aku katakan di sini, jiwa aku lebih tenang. Langsung terasa suci, semacam. 

Jiwaku tenang, malah tak henti membesarkan Dia, yang di atas.

Yang ini, takkan pernah salah bukan.

Pessimist people can just build a kingdom of their own, breeds within that place. Just don’t ruin this wonderful world.

All the thoughts that I had today, was to end today with a bliss. Not until I’ve done with iftar just now. I couldn’t understand what more can I really do to make everything goes perfectly right accordingly to their mind. I don’t understand how this world would work, especially theirs. My efforts are just worthless to them. No matter how fine I’m trying to deliver to them everything that they want, but it seems that it will never achieve their standard.

I might sound like a very disgraceful kid, I am indeed. May be. Well, fuck that because no human beings will even give a shit if I’m being grateful for once. How grateful or ungrateful I am, it is never and never will be of their subject of concerns.

Wonder if they are really bothered about how would it feel to stand on these feet, be mentally tortured ruthlessly. Be standing proud in a fucking high spirit, and in the same time be soaked deep in the mud.

I wonder if they care.

I’ve been thinking that, every single thing that is done by me, will be ultimately sinful, immoral, all wrong in their mind. No matter how hard I tried. Even though in others eyes, it is acceptable. I’m in the state of great depression, which is yet to be known whether it is bearable or unbearable. I even have the thought of leaving the roof that has been protecting me for years.

You should really know that, I’m THAT depressed.